Boundaries

A friend of mine is a plant person. One day we were discussing plants, and I told her that I don’t have any plants because I don’t need another thing to keep alive. I have three kids and a. dog. So Christmas comes along and she gives me a plant. I figure how hard can it be. I water it, I put it in a sunny window. And it thrives. And I’m feeling pretty good about keeping this thing alive. Until my daughter asked for something alive to look at in her microscope, and that’s when we realized…this is a fake plant. Not real.

We can learn two things about boundaries from this. First of all, I was pouring time, energy and resources into this plant, that did not need me. There are areas of our lives that we spend time, energy and resources that do not need us. Your kids and your husband need you. Outside of that it’s a judgement call. But If God isn’t calling you to it. If some other person, is putting pressure on you, it’s not yours to take. Then let that go.

Secondly, let’s look at this from the plants perspective. The plant was doing fine, when I came along with my well-meaning energy and created a toxic environment by adding water. There’s probably mold in there now. Well meaning people can come along and push against your healthy boundaries. Then we have to do the hard work of having a difficult conversation, which if you are a people pleaser or a conflict avoider, like me, is going to be hard.

 If I had been better at boundaries, I would have told my sweet friend, thank you so much for the plant, but I really don’t have the capacity to keep anything else alive. Maybe you could take care of it for me until some of my kids move out. Then she would’ve replied. It’s a fake plant, dummy. We would have laughed and I would’ve saved me three weeks of effort.