Assess Don’t Obsess

I recently heard the phrase:

Assess don’t Obsess

It has become a mantra for me. I am guilty of obsession, especially when it comes to my kids. I obsess that they are not getting enough sleep, spending too much time on screens, eating too much cheese. It’s a problem over here. But where’s the line? How can I limit it to a simple assessment and hold the line before I slip into full blown obsession? I’ve found three warning signs that an issue has become an obsession.

Firstly, it’s the only thing you talk about. When one of your kids is in a difficult phase and you find that every conversation you have with anyone spirals back to that one problem, you, my friend, have become obsessed. If you find that you’re telling the mail man about your child’s chronic ear infections, just stop, take a breath, and release them from the conversation. Walk away. You have become obsessed and the topic leaks out of you with the slightest provocation.

Another way to tell you’ve become obsessed is the amount of time you spend on the topic. If you’re worried about your teens friends and spend hours reading all her texts; or if you’re struggling with a picky eater and do a deep dive online looking up expert opinions, which often contradict each other, you may have crossed over into obsession.

The final way to tell if you’ve become obsessed it the amount of mental energy you spend on a given topic. If you’re up in the night thinking through the issue, if you think about it while you drive, cook, clean, or watch tv then you are obsessing. As the bible says in Luke 12:25-26:

25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Whether you’re all in on Jesus or not, I think we can all agree that it’s sound advice and true. We don’t fix things in the obsess mind frame.

I know this because I have been guilty of all of them. Some of my obsessions were really big deals that could affect my kids for life, others were difficulties that were not life threatening, like potty training, or picky eaters. But either way, I gained nothing from the obsession.

So, I challenge you this week to tame your obsession. Take that thing that you are spinning on, and reign it in. Bring it into a healthy assessment. What is happening here? What part of it is dangerous? What part do I have any actual control over? Is this an issue to stand firm on or to let my child fail and learn from it?

Obviously, the age and stage will vary the answer, but either way aim to Assess over Obsess